Are You the Marrying Kind?

For centuries it has been assumed that people will eventually marry and have their own families.  Years ago, it was the goal of all young women to marry and bear children. In many cultures, if girls weren’t married by the time they were 15, they were on their way to becoming spinsters.

Although, the ages of marriage have become older these days, a bit of the same beliefs have held up. Women today get married later and later in life due to the fact that they attend college and have their own important careers. It’s not unusual to see women in their 30s marry for the first time because they’ve given themselves time to get settled into their careers.

The rather unusual thing that people are seeing more and more in recent years, though, are women as well as men that never get married. For some of these people, it’s because they simply never met anyone they felt was the right person to spend the rest of their lives with. Others just didn’t want to be tied down legally to another person forever. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with this. It’s a choice.

Something that you should understand about yourself is whether or not you’re one of those people that shouldn’t be married. There are certainly ways to tell if you fit into this category, and if you find yourself in that group, it’s only fair to share this information with people you date in the event that they’re looking for a life partner.

Many people just become “set in their ways.”  This means that they have a certain routine and certain way that they like to do things and they’re not interested in changing that to accommodate someone else. You may thoroughly enjoy the company of someone special but you may also not want that person to live with you.

Are you financially independent? If so, it may bother you that you could have someone else relying on you to help them pay bills. There’s always a chance that someone you hook up with may have some financial issues that would hold you liable if you were legally attached. This is probably something else that you don’t want to get involved with.

It could be that you’re just not the caretaker type. You don’t want to be responsible for cooking for someone else or doing their laundry, and you aren’t excited about picking up after someone else. Maybe you don’t like looking after someone when they’re sick. All of these things are a part of a committed relationship, whether you’re living together or legally married.

Those are all things you need to consider seriously when figuring out if you want to be married or not. If you feel that you just don’t want all of the responsibility that goes along with committed relationships, you most likely aren’t the type of person that needs or even should be married. Don’t consider yourself deficient in any way if you feel this way. You’re not. Just be thankful that you realized it before walking down the aisle.

Are You Dating for Sex?

When it comes to dating, there are many reasons that people do it. For the most part, dating is an activity that takes place for companionship and as a stepping stone to a romantic relationship. These are the best reasons for dating and they typically work to bring two people together in a committed relationship. There’s another reason that some people go on dates, and it’s not the best one to use.

This reason is simply to have sex with someone. In this day and age of massive sexual freedom along with the numerous sexually transmitted diseases that are out there, dating just to have sex is most likely one of the worst ideas imaginable. There are also many other avenues to take if you just want a sexual encounter. Casual sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It provides a temporary physical release but can be quite emotionally and mentally unfulfilling.

For centuries, men have sought out women to pay for sex. This was never questioned even back when the French courtesans were all the rage. Prostitution has been around in one form or another always but it’s never been completely sanctioned. When women go about visiting one club after another trying to meet someone to have sex with, they’re essentially behaving like prostitutes, except they’re not paid for their favors.

If you’re using the dating game just so you can have sex, you may want to examine your true motives for conducting your life in this way. Are you fearful of committing to just one person? Have you had so many bad relationships that you simply don’t want the hassle of dealing with another one? Could you possibly be addicted to variety sex and you cannot maintain a sexual relationship with only one person? Only you can answer the questions, but you may not be able to be honest with your answers.

Suffice it to say that if you’re using dating simply as a means to have sex, something needs to be thoroughly investigated. Most women don’t have sex on the first date even though sexual values have become quite a bit looser than in years past. If you’re taking that a step further by dating only to have sex and then casting away the man you dated, there’s really a need for you to speak with someone you trust about this behavior.

It’s not only demeaning to yourself, but it’s literally dangerous to your life due to the many STDs that abound. Keep in mind that such things as HIV and herpes aren’t curable.  In fact, HIV can kill you if it turns into full blown AIDS. Is your life worth a quick roll in bed? This is very self-destructive behavior and can be deadly if you decide not to seek some help and understanding for why you behave in this way.

It’s important that you’re as careful as you can be while continuing to date for sex. That’s the least you can do to protect yourself from the negative consequences of your actions.

Help! My Boyfriend is Gay!

You’ve been dating the same guy for a year or more and he’s all you’ve ever wanted in a man. He’s amazingly handsome, sensitive to your needs, chooses the perfect gifts, and sex is usually more about you than him. Your friends tell you how jealous they are that you’ve got someone like this in your life. Life is beautiful and you look forward to a long and happy life with this man.

Suddenly, everything comes to a screeching halt. He sits you down and tells you that he has something to talk about with you. It’s easy to tell that it’s serious because he seems to be very nervous and on the verge of tears. You take his hands and tell him that there’s nothing that the two of you cannot get through together. Then he drops a bomb you were totally NOT expecting. It seems that he’s come to realize that he’s gay.

There will be many questions that you’ll have and you have the right to ask them.  If he’s as great as you think he is, he’ll do the right thing and answer all of them as honestly and kindly as he can. Next, there will be some decisions to be made, particularly around your relationship. This isn’t as simple as it would seem.

First of all, there’s the fact that he’s been dating you for so long that it’s highly possible that he’s bisexual with a heavy leaning toward men. If that’s the case, your relationship may not HAVE to end; that is if you’re willing to share him at least on occasion. On the other hand, he may now be telling you because he’s met someone that he wants to pursue a same sex relationship with.

There are so many things that you’re going to need to think through. The first one may be that you’re so in love with him that you think you’ll do anything to keep him with you even if it means that may have to share him sometimes with another man. In reality, this isn’t something that you may be able to handle.  Most people want a committed relationship with one partner and if this describes you, it bears some thinking about how you would feel being left alone while your partner was out on a date with a man.

Consider that he’s telling you because he’s made a decision of his own. He has decided that this isn’t a part of himself that he can ignore any longer and he’s going to act on it. If he asks for your forgiveness, friendship and support in coming out, try to keep in mind that this is a man you’ve loved for a while and probably still do love. The kindest thing to do for both of you is to let him go. It’s the only way that you’ll both be able to get on with your lives. Try not to hate him or resent him. When you’ve given yourself time to heal, he may be the best friend you’ve ever had or could ever have.

Does a Committed Relationship Make You Fat?

One thing that tends to keep men from committing to women on a more permanent level is the fear that these women will gain a lot of weight as time goes on. Is this a fair, or valid, concern? The answer to this question is not so cut and dried. In fact, you would probably have to say that this is one of those questions where the answer can be both yes and no.

Whether or not a woman gains a lot of weight once she’s married, engaged or living with someone in a committed relationship depends on many factors. These include:

• If the woman has weight issues that she constantly tries to fight, it’s possible that she will pack on the pounds once she gets a ring on her finger. That’s not always the case, but for women that have had to fight lifelong battles with weight, they may be tempted to relax once they get their man. It’s a relief to them to be able to eat things they actually enjoy without needing to be on a permanent diet.
• Some women are rather vain about their appearance. These women will probably always do everything in their power to stay sexy and attractive. Even if they get pregnant, usually by the time their 6 week checkup comes around, they’ll already be back to their previous pregnancy weight.
• There are many women that have watched their weight all their lives and simply feel that they can stop doing that once they get a man.  It’s not actually something they do on purpose. It’s more that they relax into the relationship and the fact that they’re with men who love them.
• Many women have issues with weight gain following a pregnancy. They just don’t seem to be able to get that weight off so they just keep gaining it with each subsequent pregnancy.

Obviously, if a woman really cares about the man she’s with, she will do her best to make sure that he likes what he sees when he looks at her. If a woman weighs 130 pounds when she is married and 5 years later she weighs 250 pounds, she has become way too comfortable and relaxed in her marriage. There are those rare men in life that truly love their women and it doesn’t matter if they balloon up to 500 pounds. They will still love them.

So you can see how this is a yes and no question. Any woman who truly loves her man is going to do her best to look appealing for him. She also will not want him to be ashamed to be seen in public with her. A woman who lets herself go following marriage is all but opening the door for her man to find someone more appealing.

While being in a committed relationship doesn’t MAKE you fat, it can definitely lower the motivation to stay in competing shape like you would if you were still dating and trying to land someone.

Loving Someone You Can Never Have

There’s nothing quite as painful as unrequited love. Just ask anyone that’s ever been in love with someone they knew they could never have. This is a situation that can happen to both men and women, and there’s no less pain involved for one than the other. If you’re in this situation, you’ll find that you recognize all of the signs and symptoms.

The person that’s captured your heart is all you seem to think about on a daily basis. You’re not even really interested in dating anyone else because, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve found the one you love and that’s not going to change. You may have even settled down into a rather complacent state where your pain is kept to a numb state. This means that you’re not sitting around crying or moping but you do daydream about this person all the time and fantasize about how, one day, the two of you will be together.

Most likely, you have all sorts of scenarios worked out where he or she suddenly realizes that you’re the one. It’s all probably very romantic with symphonic music swelling in the background.

You may feel that it is fine for you to live in this dream world but it’s actually not fine at all. In fact, you must do everything you can to let go of this fantasy and get on with having a real life. It is time to get this situation under control so that you can find someone that’s meant to be with you. This is the only way you will experience true happiness.

First of all, stop thinking about this person. Simply refuse to let him or her enter your thoughts. When you find yourself slipping and thinking of this person, FORCE yourself to think of something else. Don’t allow yourself to dwell on the fantasy. This is the first step in accepting that you will never be with this person for whatever reason.

He or she may be in a committed relationship with someone else or even married. The fantasy person may even be someone that you knew years ago and never moved past. Get a grip and come back to reality.

If you can clear your environment of everything that reminds you of your dream lover, that will help even more. Don’t listen to music that carries you in the direction of more day dreams and fantasies. This is going to require a lot of self-discipline.

If you feel that you’re not strong enough to handle it on your own, enlist the aid of a good friend to keep you grounded. It is almost like having an AA or NA sponsor. You call this person whenever you‘re having a weak moment and they talk you through it.

Do your best to be realistic. Seriously, if you’ve been carrying a torch for this person for, say 10 years, it’s TIME to take back control of your life and face the fact that you’re just never going to have this person. Let go and allow your heart to be free to love the right person for you.